In The World That is No More

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

In the midst of the winter chill, I was hugging my blanket close to myself for warmth when my mother introduced a young girl to me.

“She will be working here for some time to help her sister earn some extra money,” she said.

“Her name is Kusum.”

From then on, everyday Kusum came to help her sister work. She would do the dishes, clean the house, wash the clothes… I think, my dear reader, you understand. Over the months, my mother and I started talking to Kusum and her sister. When asking her to come to work for the first time, my mother spoke to her husband for just a minute in order to verify if the same person was there or not. My mother can be rather suspicious, but I don’t blame her. People in this locality can be quite deceiving. And we were about to find out in a quite dramatic way.

Kusum’s sister, whose name I never knew, was married and her husband was rather violent. He would hit both Kusum and her sister on a regular basis, while being absolutely wasted, for even the smallest thing. Even my mother felt sympathetic for the women as they would regularly show up with bruises or black eyes or scratches. For me, it was painful. To see a girl, no older than I was, being beaten up like a mere object. It made me thankful and angry at the same time. It wasn’t the first time that a helper in our house was beaten by her husband/father/brother-in-law. However, it did not ease the pain in any way either.

Now this was where things started going wrong. While I was studying in my room, I was walking around and looked out the window when I heard the front door closing. I saw Kusum talking/arguing with a man, probably a few years older than her. It seemed as if he was asking her to follow him somewhere. After being a little reluctant, she did follow him in the opposite direction of her house. I was scared and confused for her at first, but realized that she had gone with that man voluntarily only. I didn’t tell anyone about what I saw though, not even my mother. I wonder how different things would have been had I told someone.

A few days later, when Kusum was working in the house, her boyfriend simply waltzed into the house, apparently looking for her. My mother was absolutely aghast and demanded the man leave immediately. That was when my mother found out about this whole situation. Apparently, Kusum’s family also knew about this (including her parents) and was sent to work to keep her busy.

“She has gone mad! She wants to run away and marry that man.” My mother told me, after Kusum had finished her work and left. “Whatever goes on in her home is not my business, but I would be very sad to see that girl ruin her life for a man who may or may not even be true to her!” Of course my mother had seen many helpers whose spouses had left them to fend for themselves, so she was concerned about how such a young girl would manage all by herself. Not to mention, Kusum was underage and legally could not marry.

After that day, Kusum’s sister and brother-in-law kept her under strict supervision. I occasionally saw her with a black eye or some scratches but she would, nevertheless, come to work. Everyone in the house, however, was trying to explain to her why she shouldn’t marry that man. They spent months trying to talk her out of it. Rarely would we get a call from Kusum’s sister asking whether she had left our house. That time, my mother would understand that she had gone off to see her boyfriend. And one day Kusum stopped coming all together. My mother was absolutely furious since she had to find a replacement without notice, but in reality, I don’t think anyone knew what happened. Kusum’s sister also refused to speak about it. Apparently, Kusum’s parents had left in the middle of the night without telling anyone.

Kusum had a strange way to get things done her way. The would often pose the threat of committing suicide. Being a girl, it would be hard for her to get people to believe her. In order to show the determination and stubbornness of her will, she would have often make claims about endangering her life to sound serious. Maybe she didn’t understand the gravity of it, but her family did. They could not let their daughter have suicidal tendencies. Hence, to engage her mind elsewhere, they encouraged her to earn some money. She was oppressed and I strongly think, with an abusive brother-in-law, such tendencies might come to surface. Along with this, the lack of access to any kind of mental help would also have worsened her situation further. When someone else doesn’t believe in their reason for living, your own belief also begins to shake.

After a year, my mother was again looking for someone to help her in her office. She remembered Kusum and wondered whether she would be willing to work. A few days later, what we found out was disturbing. While Kusum had tried to commit suicide (unsuccessfully) earlier as well, she had finally been successful. It was during the lockdown and her family was under extreme financial stress. Kusum’s sister could not send them money regularly or at all since her husband wasn’t allowing her. Kusum, on the other hand, was still fixated on her boyfriend and wanted to elope with him. Though they had shifted to another city, they could not help their daughter.

Some people call it a little girl’s whim, some call it a tragedy. There are many girls like Kusum who take their own lives for some reason or the other. Behind The Scenes is working to help blue collar workers get the necessary support in a variety of arenas: financial help, mental support, access to resources. We hope that we can reach more people like Kusum in time, help them realize their self-worth, and change their lives for the better.